Don't Look. Just Dive.

Don't Look. Just Dive. Fiction Workshop, 2005ish.

“Bitch.”

Drew stifled his laughter as I glared at the red-head whose flailing arms and eyes were set on the limp cardboard box.

“Oh get over it, Jane. Would you have honestly paid seventy-five cents for plastic Chinese lanterns with gaping holes and cobwebs on them?”

“Shut up,” I said, brushing the dust off the corner of the shelf where the box had been sitting. I pretended to pout for another minute until I was interrupted by giggling.

I looked up to find small girl tugging at her mother’s skirt and pointing at Drew who had tied a pink and yellow polka-dotted scarf on his head and was now strutting in front of the row of full-length mirrors batting his eyelashes. The girl squealed once more as her mother rolled her eyes and escorted her out the thrift shop door.

“Drew, that’s gross. Who knows where that scarf has been.”

“Lighten up, I’m just trying to have fun,” he said, removing the scarf.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked.

“It doesn’t matter. Let’s go.”

It took me a minute to catch my breath as we stepped onto the windy sidewalk outside. The overcast sky hung low and the street lights swung violently through the damp September air. The bus stop was more crowded than usual that day.

“Look at all of these people. I guess we’ll just have to wait for the next one,” I said.

“Nah…we can squeeze in there. You’re small and I can just stand.”

“You know I hate crowded places. I always feel like everyone’s looking at me funny. There’s no way I’m getting on that bus.”

“You’re so weird,” said Drew.

We watched as the bus pulled up. I stood on my tiptoes and strained my neck to see over the crowd.

An old man who’d been sitting on the bus stop bench reading the paper nearly toppled to the ground when a slender woman in high heels made a mad dash for the bus, her little black bag flailing from side to side behind her. As she jerked her way through the crowd, a stocky man in a business suit who was trying to juggle four coffees lost his balance and spilled them all over the woman’s white blouse.

“This is ridiculous. Why don’t we just walk home,” Drew said as he watched the bus drive off, leaving a handful of angry people tossing their arms up in the air. I could only see their mouths moving. The honking horns and speeding cars drowned out their petty chatter. Rush hour bumper-to-bumper bullshit.

“You’re kidding right? That’s like twelve blocks. Besides, it’s going to start pouring any minute now,” I said.

“That’s even better. I love it when it rains on a warm day. Come on,” Drew said. He grabbed my hand and yanked me down the sidewalk.

“Ok, ok, I’m coming. Let go of my hand,” I said, rolling my eyes at him. I withdrew my sweaty palm as I felt my cheeks growing red. I turned away from him, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

The clouds caved in over the street more and more the further we got from the thrift shop. The street lights flickered and the brisk wind sent my shin stubble poking into my jeans.

“Great, that’s a comforting sign. Did you see that?”

I looked over at Drew, who was staring ahead in oblivion and whistling. My heart was fluttering a mile a minute, yet I was somehow comforted by Drew’s ability to make light of most situations. Still, I was scared shitless.

“Oh my god. We’re about to die and you’re whistling.”

“Yeah, because obviously if we flip out, the storm will go away. We’re not going to die, stupid,” Drew said.

I gave him a shove. He stumbled into the street, just in front of a pair of headlights. The car swerved as it came within inches of Drew’s ankles and laid on the horn. The piercing sound only added to my irritation.

“Hey, thanks. That was awesome. I’m glad you were here while I experienced my first brush with death. But just for fun, how about giving me a warning before you shove me into oncoming traffic again.” Drew was laughing now, and I was getting annoyed.

“How can you make a joke about that?” I asked.

“And how can you have no sense of humor?”

Before I could answer, a bolt of lightning illuminated the street. Its instantaneous flash was bright enough for me to see Drew’s eyes grow wide. My lifeless fingers grabbed his arm and I cringed when the thunder that followed brought a sudden downpour of rain. Within seconds, Drew’s brown hair was flattened against his forehead and I could feel water squishing around in my sneakers with each step.

“Hey, wanna go to the park?” Drew asked.

“Hey, have you lost your mind? We’ve walked nine blocks, and now you want to turn around and go back into town so we can play in a park?”

The rain hit the pavement with force that made it seem as if it were raining upside-down. The streets were dark and completely empty now. The only source of light was the glare from the pooled water around our ankles. It had been blocks since we’d seen any people and now the cars were few and far in-between.

“Fine, but we’re already soaked,” Drew said, “can we at least play in the puddles?”

“What puddle? The entire street is a puddle.”

Another bolt of lightning split the sky in two, and I stared in disbelief at the steadily rising water in the street. Drew looked at me and smiled, then pushed me. I landed flat on my ass, and the water around me created a wave that splashed up into my face. I frowned, hoping to show him that I wasn’t in the mood for playing.

“You asshole,” I said as I stood up and wrung my shirt out. By the time I had wiped the water off of my face and out of my eyes, Drew was on the ground too. I looked down to see him laughing and splashing around in the water.

“Grow up,” I said. “Let’s just go home.”

*

“What happened to you, kid?”

“Drew didn’t want to wait for the next bus.” I said, shrugging my shoulders.

Mom laughed as I walked past her and up the stairs to my bedroom. I stripped down and changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt. The storm was letting up and fog started rolling in. I opened the window to let the humid breeze in and the smell of stale smoke out.

I walked over to the walk-in closet and switched on the Christmas lights lining the walls inside. Damn, those Chinese lanterns sure would have been looked pretty sweet in here. I sprawled out on top of a pile of clothes and lit a joint. I stared blankly at the ceiling in the closet as I blew a stream of smoke at it.

I can’t stand Drew when he acts like a five year old. Why am I even friends with him? He has no common sense, he’s always making terrible jokes, and he likes shitty movies. I always end up in a fucked-up situations when I agree to go somewhere with him, too. Like today. Jesus Christ, who laughs about almost dying?

The Christmas lights gave off a hazy glow from the smoke as I blew it around, watching it spiral around inside the closet. My wet hair had dampened the t-shirt I was laying on and my cold toes still looked like prunes. I stood up to open the closet door. I was halfway out when my foot got tangled in the hood of one of my sweatshirts by the closet door. I lost my balance and came crashing down, face first, onto the wooden floor.

“Son of a bitch,” I said as I removed a sharp object that had jabbed into my stomach and held it out in front of me. It was a CD case, now with an artistic crack spreading from the center. I opened the case, and found a burned CD on which I had written “rites of passage: porn, lotto tickets, and cigarettes”. Well shit, here it is. See, I have a sense of humor. Don’t I? Oh well, maybe for his nineteenth birthday. I put the CD back into its case and threw it into the closet on top of the pile of clothes.

*

The storm started up again before I got in bed that night. I lay there, replaying the day in my head. I smiled as I pictured Drew in the polka-dotted scarf. I thought about what I would have done if Drew had been hit by the car. God, I’m a bitch. People just don’t push their best friends into oncoming traffic. I toyed with the idea of playing outside in the rain. Then I pictured myself kissing Drew. Stop it, I told myself.

My eyes soon grew heavy and I fell asleep quite easily, as I usually did during thunderstorms. I was jolted awake around 2 A.M. by thunderous booms outside my window.

I got up and used the bathroom before going downstairs to help myself to the steak leftovers that I’d missed at dinner. Outside, the lightning was brighter than I’d ever seen before. I gawked out the window as I put my steak in the microwave.

I hopped up onto the counter and flipped on the TV across the room while I ate my steak. With the window right behind me, I could see the reflection of the lightning on the TV. I stopped chewing when I noticed a flash of light blocked by a shadow. I jumped down from the counter and turned off the kitchen light. I pressed my nose up against the glass and tried to see through the waterfall of rain clinging to the window. Just as I was about to shrug it off and go back to bed, Drew popped his head up in front of the window. He knocked on it and motioned for me to come outside.

I opened the front door and said, “What are you doing here?” Drew stood in front of me drenched from head to toe.

“Because thunderstorms at night are just plain sweet. You’ll see. Come on.” Drew grabbed my hand and hurled me outside. My other hand, still on the doorknob, slammed the door shut as we bounded into the pouring rain. Drew let go of my hand and ran down the driveway, then around in circles through the front yard, deliberately stomping in puddles as he went. I stared at him in awe. Why was he embarrassing me like this? I looked back at the house to make sure no one was watching us. When I realized we were alone, I relaxed a little.

“Come on!” he said. I started to walk away from the house, still glancing up every time I saw lightning just to make sure it wasn’t close enough to kill me. I could barely see Drew through the wind and rain. I picked up a frisbee that lay on the front lawn and threw it at him. I missed, but it caught him off-guard enough that he slipped on the wet grass. When he stood up, he was covered in mud. I giggled.

From the opposite side of the yard he said, “Isn’t this fun?”

“I guess so,” I said. I stomped my feet in the puddles beneath me.

“Hey, go stand over there,” Drew said, pointing toward the front porch. “No, not there. Yeah, right there. Okay, now start running and dive into the grass to see how far forward you can slide. It’s a lot more fun than you’d think.”

“No way. That’s dumb,” I said, biting my lip.

“Nah, you gotta try it.”

“Okay, fine. But if this turns out to be totally stupid, I get to go back inside and go to bed.” My bare feet were sinking between the muddy blades of grass as I walked back toward the front porch. I looked up at Drew who was holding his arms open toward the sky, squinting and scrunching his nose as the rain flowed down his chin.

This is ridiculous, I thought as I took off. My feet sunk deeper into the mud with each step, and I started to get grossed out. I looked at the ground for a patch of grass not drenched in mud. Don’t look, just dive. I closed my eyes hard and dove for the ground. I could feel mud splashing up all around me and seeping its way into my sweatpants. Once my body stopped moving, I opened my eyes and stood up. A wide strip of grass was flattened where I slid, and there was a deep impression about ten feet ahead where I had stopped.

Drew, who’d been watching, laughed at me as I wiped the mud out of my eyes. We walked over to the driveway and sat down on the cement.

“I can’t believe you talked me into that,” I said as I wrung mud out of my hair.

“You know you wanted to do it. Didn’t it make you feel alive?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “But, now I have chunks of mud lodged places in my pants and between my toes.” I scraped a chunk of grass and mud off of my foot and wiggled it off my fingers and into Drew’s lap.

“See, at least now you know what that feels like.”

“Yeah, because it’s something I’ve always dreamed about.”

“So you admit it,” he said.

“Why are you always so persistent with me?” I asked.

“Because you need some excitement in your life. Start with little stuff, like puddle jumping.”

I smiled. I could feel my face getting warm. I bit my lip, trying to wipe away my smile. Drew leaned toward me and wiped a strand of hair out of my eye. Oh my god, is he going to kiss me?! I felt my palms start to sweat.

“Hey, I really should go back to bed,” I said, standing up.

“Okay, I guess you’re right.” Drew stood up too. He hugged me and said, “See ya tomorrow, Jane.”

“Hey, don’t leave yet. I’ll be right back.” I said as I shook off as much mud and water as I could before letting myself back into the house. I ran up the stairs, leaving a trail of mud behind me. Oh boy, mom is gonna be pissed in the morning. I walked into my room, caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and smiled when I realized how silly I looked. Okay, now where is that stupid CD? I dug through the pile of clothes in the closet, tossing everything aside until I found it.

Drew was standing by the front door when I came back downstairs. I opened the door and poked my head out.

“What?” he asked. I handed him the cracked CD case.

“Happy Birthday.”

*

“Hey, what’s up?” I asked the next day after school.

“Oh nothing. Just on my way to the store. Wanna come?”

“Sure, but let’s take the bus home afterwards this time,” I said. Drew pretended to look disappointed, but nodded in agreement.

“What are we going to the store for? A pink and yellow polka-dotted scarf?” I said, batting my eyelashes.

“Haha, no. Actually, the things I want to buy aren’t at the thrift shop,” he said, turning down an unfamiliar street.

“What could you possibly need in here?” I asked, looking in through the window.

“Oh not much. Just porn, lotto tickets, and cigarettes.”